With every passing week, the San Francisco 49ers continue their rapid descent to the depths of the NFL Power Rankings, having been usurped by six teams in the Week 9 rankings. Has Brock Purdy’s limitations been exposed, or is it simply the remnants of a concussion for the Niners’ franchise quarterback. For more discussion about the reality of head injuries in the NFL, check out our Gridiron Gossip from earlier in the week.
The weekend’s biggest shock was the Denver Broncos hammering the Kansas City Chiefs 24-9 on Sunday night, snapping a 16-game losing streak to their AFC West rivals. Worse yet for Fantasy Football owners, Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes failed to record a touchdown – the first occurrence since December 5, 2021, a remarkable streak of 29 games. The 28-year-old was battling flu symptoms prior to the match, but the result stands as the 2023 season’s biggest shock to date.
For our unique Pintsized (and Halloween!) twist in the Week 9 Power Rankings, we will be grading the ‘scare factor’ of each team’s mascots.
1. Philadelphia Eagles (7-1)
Result: Beat the Washington Commanders 38-31
The Eagles own the best record league-wide and can be considered the only option for top spot. Nick Sirianni’s squad continued to clean through their division with another win over the Commanders, although they were pushed to the end by Sam Howell. AJ Brown also continues to thrive, recording his sixth consecutive game with over 125 receiving yards.
Mascot: Swoop (eagle) (B)
2. Baltimore Ravens (6-2)
Result: Beat the Arizona Cardinals 31-24
The first of many 6-2 teams, the Baltimore Ravens could arguably be unbeaten if not for inexplicable losses against the Colts and Steelers. Although injuries have plagued the squad since Week 1, they are a force capable of Super Bowl contention when all their stars are on the field. Perhaps most surprisingly of all is the fine health of the traditionally biscuit-legged Odell Beckham Jr.
Mascot: Poe (raven) (B+)
3. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-2)
Result: Beat the Pittsburgh Steelers 20-10
A close call between the Dolphins and Jaguars, with the latter favoured on the basis of their quality of wins. Jacksonville has beaten several teams with winning records, including the Bills, Saints, and Steelers. This is largely down to Trevor Lawrence making his presence felt when it matters, finding Travis Etienne for a 56-yard touchdown in the third quarter to break the Steelers’ stout defence.
Mascot: Jaxson de Ville (jaguar) (D-)
4. Miami Dolphins (6-2)
Result: Beat the New England Patriots 31-17
While expected, the Dolphins still completed their job against the Patriots with few troubles. Although the strength of their wins has been questionable at best, Mike McDaniels is cooking up an offensive storm in Miami’s kitchen. With cornerback Jalen Ramsey back to health and collecting a customary interception on Sunday, the Dolphins could now pose a problem on both sides of the ball.
Mascot: T.D. (dolphin) (A+)
5. Kansas City Chiefs (6-2)
Result: Lost to the Denver Broncos 24-9
Any multitude of excuses could be given for Sunday’s embarrassing division loss to the lowly Broncos, but it matters for naught. Sometimes, a team just experiences an off day. There have been signs of offensive struggles for the Chiefs this season, but you’d be foolhardy to write off Andy Reid’s offensive acumen.
Mascot: K.C. Wolf & Warpaint (wolf & horse) (C)
6. Dallas Cowboys (5-2)
Result: Beat the Los Angeles Rams 43-20
The best way to return from a bye week is to win, and well, the Cowboys sure did win big. Dallas tormented the Rams in their own stadium, dropping four touchdowns, a field goal, and an ignominious safety on the aghast Los Angeles fans. Questions remain over the Cowboys’ postseason legitimacy, but the regular season is business as usual for ‘dem boys’.
Mascot: Rowdy (cowboy) (A-)
7. Detroit Lions (6-2)
Result: Beat the Los Vegas Raiders 26-14
After a Baltimore bashing last weekend, the Lions roared back with a convincing win against the abject Raiders. After receiving a brutal sucker punch after half-time via Marcus Peters’ 75-yard pick-six, the Lions showed their championship quality by shutting out the Raiders for nearly 25 minutes. Detroit ranks among the best teams in the NFC; make no doubt about it.
Mascot: Roary (lion) (F)
8. Seattle Seahawks (5-2)
Result: Beat the Cleveland Browns 24-20
Winning without being at your best is a strong sign of a positive season, and the Seahawks have had that in abundance. This is never more true than when it comes against a banana skin team like the Browns. Despite trailing 17-24 late in the fourth quarter, Geno Smith led a 57-yard game-winning drive from the Seahawks’ half, finding Jaxon Smith-Njigba on a touchdown pass.
Mascot: Blitz, Boom and Taima (hawks) (B)
9. Cincinnati Bengals (4-3)
Result: Beat the San Francisco 49ers 31-17
While not a certainty, it seems as though the Bengals’ early season rust has been thoroughly shaken off thanks to a well-timed bye week. Joey Cool is looking back to his best and showed his quality in a big win over the 49ers. Question marks remain over Cincinnati’s long-term success on the ground, but on Sunday, Joe Mixon was a vital cog in their victory.
Mascot: Who Dey (tiger) (B-)
10. Buffalo Bills (5-3)
Result: Beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24-18
Rounding off the top 10 is another team who enjoyed a solid rebound victory. Buffalo got back in the green against the Buccaneers, with Josh Allen putting in the top quarterback performance this weekend. Season-long injuries to Matt Milano and Tre’Davious White have likely doomed the Bills’ Super Bowl chances, but Allen won’t stand for such thinking.
Mascot: Billy Buffalo (buffalo) (F)
11. San Francisco 49ers (5-3)
Result: Lost to the Cincinnati Bengals 31-17
For the first time under Kyle Shanahan, the 49ers appear to be freefalling without respite. While Brock Purdy wasn’t awful, it wasn’t the mature game management we have come to expect from Mr. Irrelevant. Whether that stems from the lingering symptoms of his concussion remains up for debate.
Mascot: Sourdough Sam (prospector) (A)
12. New York Jets (4-3)
Result: Beat the New York Giants 13-10
Kudos go to an elite defence, alongside an honourable mention to Breece Hall for dragging the Jets’ struggling offense over the line in a New York stinker. Robert Saleh is a mastermind at edging low-scoring affairs, a quality that cannot be taken for granted as the Jets buy time before Aaron Rodgers’ most unlikely return.
Mascot: None. Boooo the Jets.
13. Cleveland Browns (4-3)
Result: Lost to the Seattle Seahawks 24-20
We could effectively copy and paste the Jets’ entry; only this time, the Browns have fallen on the wrong side of the luck factor. PJ Walker’s brief success at quarterback appears to be drying up, but there are no signs that Deshaun Watson is fit (or willing) to return. Yet, with Myles Garrett’s hulking presence on the field, there is always a chance of glory.
Mascot: Chomps, Swagger Jr, Brownie the Elf (dog, bull, elf) (B)
14. Pittsburgh Steelers (4-3)
Result: Lost to the Jacksonville Jaguars 20-10
Does it feel like déjà vu yet? The Steelers are another side that boasts a strong defence with a limited offense, hampered further by a nasty injury sustained by starting quarterback Kenny Pickett this weekend. While Mike Tomlin’s magic has inexplicably dragged the Steelers to a positive record, their luck will eventually run out if they continually fail to move the pigskin.
Mascot: Steely McBeam (steelworker) (A-)
15. Minnesota Vikings (4-4)
Result: Beat the Green Bay Packers 24-10
A true monkey’s paw weekend for the Vikings. Although they picked up a comfortable divisional win over the Packers, they also effectively doomed their season when Kirk Cousins left the field with an Achilles injury. Unless some spicy trade deadline action occurs (cough, Joshua Dobbs), Minnesota will have to settle into a rebuild-type season.
Mascot: Viktor (Viking) (C+)
16. New Orleans Saints (4-4)
Result: Beat the Indianapolis Colts 38-27
Was Sunday Night the breakout game needed for Derek Carr in a New Orleans Saints jersey? Passing for 310 yards and two touchdowns, the former Raider quarterback also linked up with Rashid Shaheed for an audacious 58-yard touchdown. Even though the Colt’s defence has now conceded 113 points in their last three matches, the result snaps Carr’s two-game interception streak as well as notching his second game with multiple touchdowns.
Mascot: Gumbo, Sir Saint (dog, humanoid) (B-)
17. Atlanta Falcons (4-4)
Result: Lost to the Tennessee Titans 28-23
Did we witness Arthur Smith reach his breaking point with Desmond Ridder at the weekend? The second-year quarterback was taken out of the game for a concussion evaluation during the break, yet even after being medically cleared, the Falcons kept replacement Taylor Heinicke on the field. Heinicke hardly set the world alight but managed to lead four scoring drives, including a touchdown pass to Scotty Miller late in the fourth quarter.
Mascot: Freddie Falcon (falcon) (B)
18. Los Angeles Chargers (3-4)
Result: Beat the Chicago Bears 30-13
Beating a Division II-led Chicago Bears is not enough for Chargers fans to build Super Bowl ambitions. Sunday witnessed the battle of two woeful coaches with one team enjoying vastly superior individual quality in skill positions. Credit to Justin Herbert, however, who managed to win the game through the air after the Chargers’ rushing attack was blunted for just 54 yards on 25 attempts.
Mascot: None. Boooo the Chargers.
19.Tennessee Titans (3-4)
Result: Beat the Atlanta Falcons 28-23
Is Will Levis officially that dude? What an astonishing debut for the second-round rookie quarterback out of Kentucky. The 24-year-old enjoyed a telepathic connection with DeAndre Hopkins, linking up for three touchdowns as Levis led the Titans to an impressive road victory. If Tennessee can hold on to Derrick Henry and Hopkins before the trade deadline, they could prove late contenders for the AFC South.
Mascot: T-Rac (racoon) (C+)
20. Denver Broncos (3-5)
Result: Beat the Kansas City Chiefs 24-9
Although it is still too early to get behind Sean Payton’s Broncos, Sunday’s shock victory over the Chiefs could prove the catalyst for the embattled coach. Russell Wilson had been steadily playing himself out of the Hall of Fame this season before notching three touchdown passes against the unanimous number-one team in the league. As the Broncos were already averse to pawning off their stars before Sunday’s result, their unlikely victory should ensure business as usual.
Mascot: Miles, Thunder II (horse) (A+)
21. Houston Texans (3-4)
Result: Lost to the Carolina Panthers 15-13
It was not the return from their bye week that the Texans had envisaged. Losing a tight-knit affair to the sole remaining winless team, Houston failed to get any meaningful offense rolling. C.J. Stroud’s fascination with limiting turnovers is hampering the offence, although it is the sort of wrinkles expected of a rookie.
Mascot: Toro (bull) (B-)
22. Indianapolis Colts (3-5)
Result: Lost to the New Orleans Saints 38-27
For a season that was seemingly shut-down following Anthony Richardson’s shoulder injury, the Colts have remarkably decided to go full gung-ho. Indianapolis’ last three games have seen 199 points put up on the board as Gardner Minshew continues to thread the needle. Defensive woes plague the Colts, but they remain the most exciting team to watch for a neutral.
Mascot: Blue (horse) (C-)
23. Las Vegas Raiders (3-5)
Result: Lost to the Detroit Lions 26-14
We are past the point where coach Josh McDaniels can turn around the Raiders. Somehow, some way, McDaniels has destroyed the sparkling offensive core he inherited, consisting of Derek Carr, Davante Adams, Hunter Renfrow, and Jakobi Meyers. There will be better days for Jimmy Garoppolo than Monday night’s disaster, but Adams looks fully checked out from the season.
Mascot: Raider Rusher (football player) (A-)
24. Los Angeles Rams (3-5)
Result: Lost to the Dallas Cowboys 43-20
Ouch. Just two minutes before the half-time break, the Cowboys were sitting on a 33-3 lead over the Rams at SoFi Stadium. Worse yet, Matthew Stafford suffered a UCL sprain in his right thumb during the game, which could leave Los Angeles without their starting quarterback for up to two months. It is a crying shame considering the Rams’ easier schedule in the second half of the season.
Mascot: Rampage (ram) (D)
25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-4)
Result: Lost to the Buffalo Bills 24-18
When you get outperformed by the Bills’ run game, then you know something is seriously wrong. Baker Mayfield led an unlikely fourth-quarter turnaround to put the Bills under pressure, but their offense remains too one-dimensional as Rachaad White’s struggles continue on the ground. An additional worry is Ryan Neal’s form, with the safety having given up 431 yards and 4 touchdowns across the 24 times he has been targeted in the air.
Mascot: Captain Fear (pirate) (C-)
26. Washington Commanders (3-5)
Result: Lost to the Philadelphia Eagles 38-31
Unfortunately, you don’t win prizes for holding your own in high-scoring thrillers against the league’s best. To avoid weekly doom and gloom shaming of the Commanders, credit is due to rookie quarterback Sam Howell. The league’s most sacked QB was felled just once by the Eagles’ fearsome pass rush, while also dropping four touchdowns in a 397-yard passing performance off 52 attempts. If Washington can limit the punishment Howell receives, they may have a franchise quarterback in the making.
Mascot: Major Tuddy (pig) (B+)
27. Green Bay Packers (2-5)
Result: Lost to the Minnesota Vikings 24-10
Unless we witness a miraculous renaissance in the second half of the season, Jordan Love will be out of Green Bay and possibly the NFL. There is a genuine argument that Zach Wilson is now a better pick at quarterback than Love. The former first-rounder is still only 24 years old but is unlikely to find a starting job anytime soon.
Mascot: None. Boooo the Packers.
28. New England Patriots (2-6)
Result: Lost to the Miami Dolphins 31-17
The Patriots were unable to build on their shock victory over the Bills last Sunday, but it was to be expected against the league’s scariest offense. If not for Kendrick Bourne’s season-ending ACL injury, there was reason to believe that Bill Belichick could turn around the historic early-season slump.
Mascot: Pat Patriot (soldier) (B+)
29. Chicago Bears (2-6)
Result: Lost to the Los Angeles Chargers 30-13
There is little reason to dump on a Division II rookie quarterback with a fantastic backstory. Tyson Bagent is neither where the problems start nor end with the Chicago Bears. Set to face the Saints and Panthers over the next fortnight, the Bears’ running game under D’Onta Foreman should be better set to thrive and ease the pressure on Bagent.
Mascot: Staley da Bear (bear) (B)
30. New York Giants (2-6)
Result: Lost to the New York Jets 13-10
On the one hand, it is inexcusable for veteran Graham Gano to miss the 36-yard game-winning field goal, injury or not. On the other, Brian Daboll’s offence has stank all season. An extended stay on the sidelines for Daniel Jones hasn’t helped, but the G-Men’s rotten record is down to shoddy play-calling and an embarrassing offensive line.
Mascot: None. Boooo the Giants.
31. Carolina Panthers (1-6)
Result: Beat the Houston Texans 15-13
It was difficult not to smile for Bryce Young who picked up his first career victory on Sunday since joining Carolina as the number one pick in the 2023 draft. Young continues to favour Adam Thielen, targetting the former Viking eight times for 72 yards. With the prospect of facing a Tyson Bagent-led Bears in a fortnight, the Panthers could find themselves picking up some momentum.
Mascot: Sir Purr (panther) (D+)
32. Arizona Cardinals (1-7)
Result: Lost to the Baltimore Ravens 31-24
Joshua Dobbs once again proved his quality in defeat as he led the Cardinals to a remarkable 17 points in the fourth quarter. It provided a mere scare for the vastly superior Ravens, but it was a performance that may have booked Dobbs a spot in another team’s roster. With Cardinals coach Jonathan Gannon benching Dobbs ahead of Week 10, we could expect Dobbs to be on the move before the trade deadline.
Mascot: Big Red (cardinal) (B-)
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